i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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