This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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