my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
