He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
