MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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