no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
