I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
