Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
