textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
