Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
