We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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