i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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