He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
