Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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