my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
