yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
