I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So squirting runs in the family.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
