Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
