theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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