did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
