I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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