i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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