Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
