I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
