he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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