You really coming over, don't trick.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
