hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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