Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
