im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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