I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
