FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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