i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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