he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
