He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
