Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
