My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
