If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
