he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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