I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
