It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
