so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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