Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize