the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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