I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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