Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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