And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
