I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
