Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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