Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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