just tell him i said nine months
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
