Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
