im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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