she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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