Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
