ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
