Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
