I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
