is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
