If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
