First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
PANTIES FOUND
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