at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
