thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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